Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Alburr Hameed & I was born and raised in Pakistan until I was 16 and then my and my family relocated to England, where I spent over a decade. For the last two years I have been living in Japan as an English teacher and am currently residing here.How can I say it, life surely has taught me a lot as mine has undergone so many changes and I have endured so many experiences that have made me who I am today. Life is sometimes pleasent and is sometimes unpleasent, that is surely one lesson that I have learnt.
As a child, I was socially very different from my peers and it had tremendous consequences - being different and being your own person isnt easy, especially coming from an Asian culture (Eastern). You see Asian (Middle Eastern, Pakistani, Indian, Chinese, Korean and Japanese) cultures tend to be conformist and there is a lot of pressure to make you accept things even if you dont like them. If you dare to disagree then you can face problems like ostracism, being mocked and teased, name called etc. The disciplinary system in our families in our part of the world (East) works differently than modern western cultures. In other words corporal punishment is the norm when it comes to parents and even teachers. This is not merely getting spanked, or a slap on the wrist, it can be even worse than that. In our culture we are taught never to answer back to our elders especially our parents, and doing so will not gain you any sympathy from the society. If for example, you complain that you were unjustly punished by your parent or your teacher, automatically the blame is shifted on you that you must have done something to incite or agitate the punisher. Sometimes you can be physically smacked in public, i.e. in front of others so that an example is made of you. The maxim "Spare the rod, spoil the child" is very common, and our society teaches us that this is necessary in order for the well being and development of the child.
As we all know corporal punishment (if taken too far) can have serious repurcussions on the self esteem, since if we are always criticized, compared to others, judged & punished, one tends to always hate and blame themselves for the problems that they think that have caused. Guilt gnaws at you, because you always feel that it is your fault.
There were also issues with girls and boys my age too. Being different, thinking differently, having different interests and hobbies, being your own self can be very tough especially in your adolescent years. People think that you are weird, strange, geeky, a social misfit and what not. I was generally naive compared to other boys and yes I was taken advantage of many times. People who pretended to be my friends, took advantage of me and stabbed me behind my back. What could be more painful than that? That caused me paranoia, and even if people joked with me in a cheerful way, I would get offended and take their jokes in a wrong way. Getting prank phone calls, harrasments and intimidation - surely does cause you to feel like a real time loser.
At 16 when I relocated to England, I experienced a culture shock as things worked differently than in my home culture. For that reason I felt like a social misfit amongst my peers, and yes again i was thought of as strange, weird, geeky etc. I could not tell the difference if someone was being sarcastic or joking because of my paranoia. I started experiencing depression since then, it only started only to get worse in the years to come ahead.
College was one of the toughest and the most challenging times of my life. I tried to fit in with gangster wannabes because I was sick and tired of being picked on. I wanted to create an image of a tough macho kid, only to find out that it would take me into a much darker passage. It made me feel worse about myself as I lost more self confidence and self esteem, and my depression, anxiety and OCD started to increase.
I got involved in a fist fight with four big skinheaded lads and I ended up with a nasty black eye. On another occasion I got involved in a road rage incident and was stabbed in the back of my head. I did a 2 month placement with an extremely obnoxious supervisor who had the worst attitude problem. I had a few other managers in my workplace who were extremely arrogant and were "workplace bullies". On many occasions throughout my life, I was ganged up on and beaten, made fun off, harrassed and insulted.
Now these are the things that contributed towards my depression, anxiety and OCD. I actually started to hate the person I was becoming. To make things worse, depression, OCD and anxiety is not entirely understood in South Asian cultures, and this caused a lot of problems and clashes with my family. They could not understand why I was becoming so moody, irritable, snappy, "lazy" etc.. There were occasions where I was seriously contemplating suicide and did not care of God would send me to Hell, as I did not see the point in living anymore. It was a very lonely experience as I was going through it all alone, with nobody to understand my pain. I had a few friends whom I could relate to, but they could not step in my shoes and feel the pain.
What I have mentioned above is only a glimpse of what I have experienced in life. I have not gone into the full details as there is a lot to be covered.
Now at this present moment, my life, my attitude, my personality has undergone so many changes that it is a miracle as to who I am today. I actually love and accept myself for who, what and where I am. I am a unique and different individual and am proud of myself. All those beatings, all those harrasments, all those taunts, all those insults have toughened me up! as the maxim "What doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger!" I have used all those negative things to work for me! You see folks, the fact that I was ganged up upon, made me get interested in martial arts (Thai boxing, Karate, Brazilian Ju Jitsu and various others) and in working out - training hard in the gym. I have experienced various forms of martial arts over the last 5 years and have the thrist to learn more. I have been spending time with self development books and articles and developed my self confidence and self esteem. I have been keeping my faith in God intact and have been praying continuously for guidance, strength, inner peace, serenity, calm and the desire to go on further ahead - overcoming all challenges and obstacles as they come along.
I have learnt that winning is done by meeting the problem and finding the way to solve the problem - NOT by giving up, or by walking away from the problem. You cannot escape of run away from your problems as they will follow you wherever you go. There is only one way, SOLVE the problem. Ask for help from those who understand!
My friends, life is beautiful and there are tremendous opportunities in life. We need to set goals and targets as to what we want to achieve, create a vision, have the desire to achieve that vision and persist. NEVER GIVING UP!! Look at the lives of succesful people and learn their principles and mindset. Winners never think negative and always see their problems as opportunities and challenges to be overcome. They avoid self pity, and never think low of themselves. They have a high self esteem and do not sell themselves short. At the same time they also avoid feeling superior to others. They avoid the company of negative people and low achievers and join those why are positive and high achievers. I choose to join them and that is why my life has gotten better and is continuing to do so.
Failure is essential to success. Keep on failing but NEVER GIVE UP! Whenever you meet any challenges, be proud of the fact that you took that challenge, even if you didnt do well. Tell yourself that you can do better as there is always room for improvement in everything that we do. There is no such thing as perfection!
I have also become comfortable with solitude and in living alone. I may be alone but I am not lonely, because I have myself, and that is what matters the most. I can be alone with my thoughts and develop myself mentally. The best friend that I have is myself, and that is the key to gain respect and acceptance from others. Notice Self Actualized people, they do face ostracism and rejection at first, but ironically they are the ones who gain respect when they fulfil their goals & desires and stretch beyond their potential.
I am alone with myself and also my Lord is always with me. He hears my worries, concerns, my gratitude and my prayers. He is the one whom I trust. Yes He does give difficult situations but it is for me in order to attain mental toughness. In martial arts and in excercising, we all have to endure pain, but that pain is what makes us stronger. Similarly all the problems and challanges we face in life, they are for us to toughen our minds and souls. We need the right mindset and the ability to focus on the solution. We all have the tendency to focus on our problems and only talk about our problems, but that doesnt get us anywhere. Focus on the solution, find the way to solve the problem. That is the challenge.
Right folks, I have talked enough and bored you all :D
I just want to say Keep your chins up and hang in there. All your negative experiences can work for you, and ONLY YOU can make that happen. Develop the Winner's mindset and look at the lives of succesful people.
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